Has been having lots of highs and lows recently... worse thing is I don't even know why I feel low... maybe it's PMS...

Feeling weird... unhappy... inadequate... inefficient... I know that I really shouldn't focus so much on myself... I know that God is in control and God will take care of me... but I just can't help feeling low...

Sometimes, I cannot understand why I want am so "attention-seeking"... I feel good when people ask about me... yet when in a group... I am not sure how to act... not sure how to join in... maybe I'm worrying too much... whatever...

Met up with Ruth and she asked I had been doing last week... and I realised that I have no idea what I did last week...

Driving lessons have not been going well either... I seemed to be only going through the motions, not very interested, not very alert, not very responsive to road conditions...

Semester is starting soon and I have been in and out if NUS, settling stuff... seemed to be only going through the motions... no energy at all...

Worried that this semester will be like my previous semesters in NUS... just going through the motions... going for lessons for the sake of going... I really want this semester to be different, yet how do I know that it won't turn out to be the same... I've always started every semester being very excited, but have always been overwhelmed by the volume of work that I have to handle...

How will I be able to rise above the storm???

Of course, I know about total dependance on God... yet it is so hard to put into practice...

I want to win people for Christ... yet I am afriaid... will I have the time? I am always the one, looking to others for encouragement, for counselling... How do I win people like that... I even remember one friend telling me this (we only knew each other in semester 2),

"I've noticed you since the first semester..."

I asked, "So what made u noticed me?"

"You always looked so sad, as if on the verge of tears..."

I am so afraid... that this semester will be the same as any other...

I know that I ought to trust God... yet this is so difficult...