I realise I have forgotten about God's love! That I have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and the wages of sin is death! But Jesus has taken my place on the cross that I may be reconciled to God, my Heavenly Father. May I never forget this great love! Everyone needs this love of God, no matter how much we have suffered, or how unfair circumstances may be...

Read through my earlier posts and am kind of touched... I have another blogspot at http://cailiting.easyjournal.com . I totally forgot that I have such a blog.

BC challenged me today about trusting God in leading us to a career where we could thrive and shine for Him. Ok, maybe he didn't challenge me, more like sharing with me about trusting God.

I guess I still find it difficult to trust God and have forgotten what I posted in the post on 1st Nov. How can I pray believing when I do not even know if God will answer? There are people who have prayed for healing for years, believing, and yet have not been healed! At what point do we give up hope of getting healed and move on, accepting our current conditions? How do people like Nick Vujicic, without arms and legs, trust God?

I asked God to help me and I sensed Him leading me to the verse (not the exact verse, I'm tired to check out the exact verse) "He gives and takes away, Blessed be His name" and "Though the trees/ground do not bear fruit, I will still praise You". This is a solemn reminder and tears almost came to my mind. It is so difficult to practice the above. I remember when I was a young Christian, it seemed to be easier to trust God in difficult times!

He reminded me of what Ps Jeff shared about what he gave up when He went into full time ministry. He gave up working in shenton way, opportunities to travel the world and wealth. Yet, God has returned all these to Ps Jeff, in His time, just like God returned Job many times more that what Job lost. Just like He said in Mark, (not exact) "whoever gives up house, farm, wealth, family for My sake, I will return to him 100 times more".

He reminded me of the story (I do not know if true) of this person who is wheelchair bounded, who was asked by a skeptic, "How can you still say that God is good when you are in this state?" The person replied, "Because if all is well with me, and I said God is good, you would rebutt, saying that you said God is good because everything is well." Reminded me of satan's accusation of Job.

I am also reminded of the story of the blind person in the bible and the people questioned Jesus, why he was born blind "was it his sin or his parents' sin?" Jesus replied, "it was for God's glory to be manifested today that he was born blind." (not exact), and went on to reveal God's glory by healing him. Another story of a person going into a classroom of deaf and mute children and signalling to them "why did God made me to be able to hear and speak but that you can't?" This of course caused tension in the class and one student stood up, walked to the front and signalled "for God's glory."

Another story (this is real), this guy (i can't remember his name) who body came apart as his plane/helicopter crashed during some world war. He managed to survive and woke up and learnt to walked after many years (10 or more) and eventually became a counsellor/psychologist for people who met are victims of industrial accidents! And he continued to believe that God has a wonderful plan for his life!

And I remember in the book "Man's Search for Meaning", the author gave the analogy, if a (ape? can't remember which animal he used) were to be used to test some form of vaccination for polio, would be ape be able to understand the reason for the suffering it is going through? Probably not. But there is indeed a very noble reason for its suffering.

I used to be very touched when I hear such stories. I still am. Touched by the courage they show. I realized that though I may not see the reason of my suffering, believe that God who knows more than me, can see the big picture. My ability to trust God would have to come from knowing that He is a God of Love and cares for me, have good plans for me and I hope to live for His glory.

God's help me to know your love, more than head knowledge. Help me to know it deeply. I know you will.