It's always an encouragement to blog, after reading others' blogs =) haha... just read about Egypt, and someone who thinks that studying is a comfortable routine, and another who is excited about 2005...

Really causes me to ponder about my attitude towards studies, my current circumstances, and my procrastination in goal setting and the lack of discipline to carry out my goals...

Having my holidays now... Have been pretty slack for the past two days, but really thankful for the rest =) Y2004 is nearing to an end and I sense the need to write down some of my experiences and thoughts. Well, here goes:

2004 has indeed been a big year for me. I believe I have never had a more eventful year than this. It is the year I turn 21. It the the year, I left home for more than 10 days! It is the year which I accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. It is the year I ended my 3-year relationship... It is a year that has such highs and lows! It is a year, which I experience true love. It is a year which I find out so much more about myself!

2004 began with me leaving for UK for a 5-month student exchange. How reluctant I was, to leave, all that were familiar to me, all that will dear to me, to venture into the unknown. I could remember how scared and homesick I was, for the first half of that exchange! Yes! I was that homesick! Homesick for the food, for my Mum, for a person, who was so important to me.

Yet, the most unexpected happened. I began to enjoy myself! Began to enjoy the familiarity of Leeds, after my trip to Europe. Began to enjoy the friends I’ve made, the close-knitted community of overseas students! The most, most, unexpected of all unexpecteds, is that I’ve become a Christian! After so many years of shelving Christianity and other religions, I finally realise that I do not want to leave this world without knowing the love of Jesus.

In these 5 months, I travelled, I hiked. I marvelled at expanse of land in UK- the moors, the rolling hills, the sheep… the seasons- the snow, the flowers, fairy-tale like houses! The wonder of God’s creation…

I came back to Singapore with great reluctance… with full realisation of what I will miss, with full realisation (ok, maybe not full realisation, but sufficient understanding, to dread what I have to face) of what I will have to face…

Even till now, I could remember exactly, the house I stayed in, the way to campus, the lecture theatres, the way to the supermarket, the sun shining down on the pavement, the dandelion fluff floating around, the cracks on the walkway… It’s hard to comprehend whether Leeds really existed or is just a figment of my imagination. It’s is hard to believe that I can know a place so well and yet, am so far away from it.

Right, the above paragraph does sound a little hmm… (ok, can’t find a word to describe that), but I must admit that I’m more or less settled, to life in Singapore. First semester is not that great… I still fall asleep in lectures, skip some tutorials, fail to do some, left projects till the last minute…

I slipped from being the big girl that I was in Leeds, to little girl… I continue to find it difficult to function effectively under stress, find it hard to shine for God, under the pressures of daily life…

I’ve more or less settled down in church and cell group. I’ve indeed been very blessed by my cell group. They have taught me a lot about interpersonal skills! I’ve yet to be baptised (cos my mum did not give her permission when I first ask her. I was still under 21 then) and it seems as if God is bringing me through some processes… First, I procrastinated in filling up the membership form (membership by baptism-there’s one section where you have to give your salvation testimony). I have finally filled that in. Then, the Lord brought me to question whether I accept some of the stuff the church is doing, like baptism of the Holy Spirit. After some research, I’m pretty convinced that what the church does is sound. Now, this remains to be tested. I don’t know how I’ll be tested, but somehow, I could sense the test coming. For, if I’m not tested, how would I know that my basis for belief is firm? Thirdly, I think I need to get a presentable passport size photograph. And I believe, the Lord also wants me to spend time at home… I do pray that my mum will give me her blessings in my baptism.

In this semester, I have joined a discipleship group under Singapore Campus Crusade for Christ (SCCC). How ironic… I used to scoff at the name Crusade… for reasons obvious to you, I hope =) Yup, I have indeed chosen SCCC out of the three Christian organisations on Campus. Looking back, I can see God’s hand in this decision, how He brought me to a closer walk with Him, with the help of my DGL, how He brought about counselling, love and healing to me, through this group. I attended a 5-day camp organised by SCCC- Metamorphosis, Freedom to Soar. I left the camp, with a definite feeling of being set free!

Right now, I still have a lot to say… but I need to go off, due to the feeling that I should be spending time at home, as well as, the need to write Christmas cards which I have left at home, and that my mum is going to attend a Christmas party later and I’m going with her. I pray that, God, you will use this to bring her one step closer to you.